When Good Just Isn’t “Good Enough”: Overcoming Disqualifying the Positive

When Good Just Isn’t “Good Enough”: Overcoming Disqualifying the Positive

Have you ever brushed off a compliment by saying, “They’re just being nice,” or dismissed your success with, “That was just luck”? If so, you’re not alone. This common cognitive distortion, disqualifying the positive, can slowly chip away at your confidence and sense of self-worth, even when things are going well.

Let’s explore why we sometimes struggle to accept the good, and how we can start believing in it, one small moment at a time.

What Is Disqualifying the Positive?

Disqualifying the positive means rejecting or downplaying positive experiences, compliments, or outcomes. You might say:

• “That doesn’t count.”

• “They’re just being polite.”

• “Sure, I did well but anyone could have.”

Even when something genuinely good happens, your mind finds a way to discount it, making it seem less real or less deserved.

Over time, this mental habit erodes your ability to feel proud, appreciated, or connected.

Why Do We Do This?

There are a few reasons:

• Low self-esteem: If you struggle with believing you’re worthy or capable, praise can feel uncomfortable or even threatening to your self-concept.

• Fear of vulnerability: Accepting good things might feel risky, like you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

• Cultural or family beliefs: If you were taught not to “brag” or that humility means denying your strengths, you may have internalized the idea that positive feedback should be rejected.

Whatever the cause, the outcome is the same: we learn to distrust the good.

The Effects of Disqualifying the Positive

In Self-Image:

You may feel like an imposter, no matter how much evidence there is of your abilities. You might achieve something meaningful but still feel like you haven’t earned it.

In Relationships:

When others express appreciation or admiration, you may feel uncomfortable or even suspicious. This can create distance between you and the people who care about you.

In Daily Life:

It becomes difficult to feel joy, satisfaction, or pride. Good moments are fleeting, while mistakes feel permanent.

How to Rebuild Trust in the Positive

1. Notice the Dismissal

When you hear yourself rejecting a compliment or a success, pause. Ask yourself: What did I just tell myself about that positive thing?

2. Name the Truth

Even if it feels small or undeserved, try stating the fact: “They thanked me because I helped them.” “I worked hard on that project and it turned out well.” Instead of arrogance, this is honesty.

3. Practice Receiving

Say “thank you” when someone compliments you, even if your instinct is to argue. Let the words land. Let yourself absorb them, just for a moment.  Also, realize that if you argue with or try to explain away a compliment, you are telling the other person that they are wrong.  You are invalidating their views.  This can feel very hurtful to that person.

4. Keep a “Positive Evidence” Journal

Write down compliments you’ve received, successes you’ve had, or kind things others have done for you. Over time, this collection can help challenge the distortion that says, “It’s not real.”

You Deserve to Believe What’s Good

You are not arrogant for acknowledging your strengths. You are not selfish for feeling proud. You are not weak for wanting recognition or appreciation.

You are a whole human being with imperfections, yes, but also with goodness, beauty, and value. That truth is just as real as anything else.

At Gentle Empathy Counseling in Buford, GA, we honor the whole story. If you’re ready to stop rejecting the positive and start embracing the fullness of who you are, we’d be honored to walk alongside you.

There is joy in your story. Let’s find it again, together.

📞 Ready to begin your journey toward more peaceful thinking?

Contact us today to schedule a consultation.

STAY TUNED: TOMORROW’S POST: When Everything Feels Bigger or Smaller Than It Really Is: Healing Magnification and Minimization