Control Fallacies: Finding Balance Between Power and Powerlessness
- Brian Feldman
- May 11
- 2 min read
Do you ever feel like everything is your fault or that you have no control at all? These opposite feelings are two sides of the same distortion: control fallacies.
Let’s look at how these beliefs play out, what they cost us, and how to find a more grounded, empowered middle ground.
What Are Control Fallacies?
There are two types:
Internal Control Fallacy – Believing you are responsible for everyone and everything. (“If people are unhappy, it’s because of me.”)
External Control Fallacy – Believing you have no control at all. (“There’s nothing I can do. Life just happens to me.”)
Both distortions skew our sense of agency and both can make us feel helpless or overwhelmed.
Why We Fall Into These Patterns
Control fallacies often develop in childhood or stressful environments. If you were blamed unfairly, you may start believing everything is your fault. If you felt powerless, you might start believing nothing is in your control.
They’re two different ways our mind tries to make sense of difficult or unpredictable situations.
How Control Fallacies Hurt Us
With Internal Control:
You might take on too much responsibility, feel guilty for others’ struggles, or burn out trying to fix things.
With External Control:
You may feel like a victim of life, avoid taking action, or stay stuck in unsatisfying situations because you feel powerless.
Both distortions rob you of a healthy sense of self and agency.
Reclaiming Realistic Control
1. Use the Control Circle
What’s in my control? (My choices, reactions, communication.)What’s not? (Other people’s thoughts, feelings, behavior.)
2. Let Go of Outcomes
You can do your part without being in charge of the result. Show up with integrity and let go of the rest.
3. Take Small Empowered Steps
When you feel powerless, do one thing within your control today. Call a friend. Go for a walk. Make a plan. Small steps create momentum.
4. Say “Enough” to Over-Responsibility
You don’t have to save everyone. Your worth is not measured by how much you carry.
You Can Live in Balance
You are neither all-powerful nor powerless. You are a human with influence, choices, and limits. And that’s more than enough.
At Gentle Empathy Counseling in Buford, GA, we help people explore where their real power lies and how to release what isn’t theirs to carry. If you’re ready to step out of extremes and into balance, we’d love to walk beside you.
📞 Ready to begin your journey toward more peaceful thinking?
Contact us today to schedule a consultation.
STAY TUNED: TOMORROW’S POST: “It’s Not Fair!”: Finding Peace with the Fallacy of Fairness
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